Consultant. The ultimate C word. I’ve always had an innate loathing for the word (see previous article – The C-word), in whatever context you come across it, whether it be medical, financial or worst of all business. It screams smart arse who knows more than you but hovers above you showing no accountability yet plenty of ready made excuses for whatever spurious advice they may spout that doesn’t work. And yet here I am, no longer “between jobs” (a two year gap is too long apparently), a fully signed up member of the least popular gang out there, a consultant.
I’ve played about with different job titles – business advisor, coach, strategic guide, mentor – but after 5 minutes of explaining what I do the response is always the same. “Oh, you’re a consultant.” Whether this is a self imposed stigma, I’m not sure, but frankly it doesn’t matter, because it’s not moving from my psyche any time soon, and the stigma impacts my self esteem and self worth at work, which has a nasty habit of propelling itself unwanted into my private life too.
I should be grateful. I am at least working, with multiple customers (or clients according to the C-word bible) on a variety of interesting assignments, and many cast aside Execs in the same boat as me are not. Yet gratitude seems elusive when self worth is low.
The root cause of the problem is simply my inability to land another full time “proper” job. It’s not that I don’t get close. I have genuinely lost count of the number of times I get down to the last two candidates, only to get the seemingly inevitable feedback that the “fit” just didn’t feel right, or they loved you outlook, style and experience but felt you came across a little too comfortable and casual, or worse still, there was literally nothing to choose between you but they went for the other guy/gal. It must be me. Interviews are a nonsense anyway, no matter how much practice you have at them. The concept of “selling yourself” is pretty abhorrent, (unless you’re a narcissist arsehole – who strangely fill a lot of top jobs), but selling yourself in an hour and a half, whilst maintaining your authentic true self, weaving all the key points you’ve identified into the conversation, AND not falling in any traps or make a twat of yourself, is nigh on impossible. And that’s before you even get to asking your questions, which need to be savvy, smart and incisive. I hate the whole charade. Which probably shows.
In case you haven’t guessed yet, I’ve just missed out on another key role. Currently sitting outdoors, sipping a beer, munching on fat fries, and bemoaning my sad lot to an empty beer garden on a Thursday lunchtime, which I guess is one of the benefits of the consultant life. My time is my own.
Actually come to think of it, that is a pretty nice perk. Today I woke up, having received the shitty feedback late yesterday, and decided I wouldn’t be working and therefore billing today. Take time out for myself for some good old fashioned self-flagellation. I wouldn’t be able to do that if I was still on the corporate merry go round. And these fat chips taste good.
Not that I’m a particularly good consultant. I get too involved. Start to care too much and much too quickly. Find myself emotionally connected to the business I’m meant to be passionlessly assessing. And especially I get connected to the people. People ARE a business after all. They make it or break it, and their actions are the ones that either make a business successful or not. I can’t help but think the corporate world would be better if more so-called leaders recognised this more than they do.
Of course this nonsense is blasphemy to the traditional consulting model. The Gods in the top echelons of a business engage the head honcho consultants, those in suits with big ties and bigger titles, together with a strong consulting brand name and a slick sales pitch, and before they’ve left the building they’re sending in the smart junior consultants en masse who swarm all over those mere mortals lower down, confusing them with conceptual twaddle and scaring them with immaculate PowerPoint presentations, thinly veiled threats and smug grins. The end result is usually an elaborate report of the blindingly obvious, which has been flagged and escalated by the downtrodden mortals many times before, up to leadership, who have not acted on it. Yet this time they suck it all up, as well as the follow on suggestion of further “help”. A great job done all around. Something to write in the annual report, and who even notices the number of zeros paid out on the final invoice. It is a crooked sham of a game, and I will play no part in it.
Which given my current position leaves me in a bit of a quandary. Perhaps I could blaze a pathway for a new type of consultant. The consultant that cares. Adds value with the personal touch. Helps you reduce or eliminate any need for consultants by building your team up and coaching self sufficiency and self esteem. Probably not a long term business model but certainly one that would make me feel better about myself.
I suppose there are benefits other than the fat chips. I seem to be making a difference in the businesses that I work in, and people are responding well to the things I encourage them to do. There’s the lack of accountability other than that I put on myself. In my previous roles there was always the potential for genuine disaster that I was fully and legally accountable for, such as injury, fraud, indiscretion, or worst of all a fatality. The lack of accountability – whilst I miss the aspect of true ownership – does also leave me personally with less risk, which should mean less stress if I really think about it. And then there’s the flexibility. Not that I skive off for beer and fat chips every Thursday, but I guess I COULD if I wanted to…
Makes you think doesn’t it? Maybe the life of the consultant is not so bad after all. Better finish my fat chips and head to the shiny tie shop.
strangefishbigpond 